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Twiarriors Two

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Literature Text

*Jaypaw, Crowfeather, Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, and Ashfur are milling around in the forest. Ashfur is wearing a tutu.*

Crowfeather: *singing* And you don't get to see the tears I cryyyy! Because you're busy trying to do it with a vampire! *starts crying again*

Leafpool: *annoyed* Oh, shut up. I never got to the front anyway.

Jaypaw: I didn't like that one called Emmett. He wanted by hawt stick. *cuddling the stick*

Squirrelflight: I miss Jasper. He was sexy. *sighs*

Brambleclaw: I knew it! There's someone else, isn't there? *bursts into tears and runs into the trees*

Leafpool: *staring after him* A little slow, ya think?

Ashfur: Lalalalalalalalalalala!!! *notices Squirrelflight* RAWR, mah hawt lady! *Trys to pounce on her. Fails.*

Jaypaw: Did Brambleclaw give Ashfur crack again?

Crowfeather: For hatin' you I blame myseeeelllfff!!!

Leafpool: If you hate me so much, why do you care if I sleep with Edward?

*Bella jumps out of the trees*

Bella: There she is! Vampire stealer! *lunges*

Edward: *leaps at Bella* No! Don't hurt her!

Bella: Why? It's because you love her, right? *sobbing* I knew I was never good enough!

Leafpool: No you weren't.

Edward: No! It's because she's a helpless itty-bitty puddy-tat.

Leafpool: Oh no you di'int! *snapping fingers in a z-formation*

*Jasper and Emmett emerge from the trees*

Jasper: Again, that's not possible. No fingers, remember?

Emmett: Yay! Family reunion!

Jaypaw: Oh, you better hope we're not family.

Leafpool: *to Edward* Ya'll better that back right now or you ain't never gonna get wit' yo home-skillet lovagirl again, ya hear me?

Edward: Fo'shizzle.

Bella: *glares*

Edward: I mean, sure.

Crowfeather: Here I am, once agaaaaiiinnnn...

Emmett: Ooh! Is that Kelly Clarkson? I love Kelly Clarkson!

Both: I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought...

Ashfur: What a pretty day! *hopping, skipping* Lalalalala! *smells a flower* Ooh, daisies!

Squirrelflight: Um...

Jasper: Is that a cat on crack?

Squirrelflight: *growling* I dunno, but if you want to get high with me, by all means...

Edward: I don't really want to read your mind after that.

*Brambleclaw bursts into the clearing with a deadly weapon of disaster*

Brambleclaw: Stay back! Back, I say! I'm warning you!

Jasper: Hey look, two cats on crack!

Emmett: Snap, crackle, pop!

Brambleclaw: Cool it, buster, or I'll shoot!

Edward: Is that a hot dog?

Bella: With mustard and relish?

Jaypaw: Did that come with fries? *all stare* I like fries...

Emmett: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!!! I WANT IT!!!!! *leaps at Brambleclaw*

Leafpool: Oh no you ain't! I mean, MINE! *lunges for the hot dog*

Crowfeather: Feed my aching heart!

*a black cat with one white paw emerges from the trees*

Jaypaw: Who are you?

Cat: Me? I'm a figmant of your imagination.

*All blink, except Emmett and Leafpool, who are fighting over hot dog*

Emmett: Gimmie!

Leafpool: MINE!

Jasper: Emmett, we don't even eat hot dogs.

Emmett: Oh yeah, right. *lets go*

Cat: Your imagination says that my name is Poppywhisker.

Bella: Okay...?

Jaypaw's stick: Forget Jaypaw. You're where it's at!

Edward: It can talk?

Poppywhisker: Um, I'd rather not, thanks.

Jaypaw's stick: RAWR! *rolls toward Poppywhisker*

Poppywhisker: *running away* Aaaahhh!!!

Jaypaw: *crying* Stick! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-

Crowfeather: *sniffs* Lost love!

Ashfur: Spread the love, man. *peace sign*

Jasper: No thumbs.

Brambleclaw: Any more hot dogs?

Leafpool: I don't know, but I do see something hot... *edges slowly toward Edward*

Squirrelflight: Ooh! Is it group sex again?

Edward: No! No more group sex!

Bella: Oh, yes! Sex time! *grabs at Edward*

Emmett: What's sex?

Jasper: That thing you and Rosalie-

Edward: Unclean images! Very bad images! *trying to stop reading minds*

Emmett: Oh, that.

Brambleclaw: Yay! Let's do it again!

Jaypaw: It's just not the same. *sobbing*

Ashfur: Let's get wrong, yo.

Edward: No!

*All pile on anyway*

Jasper: Why do all our skits end in group sex?

Leafpool: Because it's shizzletastic and up-the-wall, yo. Plus it's totally diggable.

Bella: I see what you're doing! Ya betta back off, girlfriend!

Leafpool: Ya better undo what ya just did, cause ota-wise this snaz-

Everyone: Shut up!

Jasper: Ow! That was a very personal place!!!

Squirrelflight: Ooh, jackpot...

Edward: *screaming* AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Make it stop!!!

*Poppywhisker runs by, being chased by the stick*

Poppywhisker: Alright, joke's over! Here's your stick!

Jaypaw's stick: I'm not leaving till I get a piece of you, baby!

Jaypaw: No! Stick! Come baaaaccckkk!!!

*A black cat lands on top of the pile*

Black cat: I like silver!

Poppywhisker: I want to keep my virginanity!!!

Crowfeather: I lost mine long ago.

Leafpool: You never had any to begin with!

*Ashfur wakes up, has a headache*

Ashfur: Uggghhh... Where am I?

Black cat: Silver!

Emmett: Who ever won that rock, paper, scissors game anyway?

Squirrelflight: I don't care. I like where I'm at.

Jasper: Feeling so unclean. Feeling so unclean. Feeling-

Poppywhisker: Take the stick!  TAKE THE FREAKIN STICK!!!

Brambleclaw: I think we have issues.

Ashfur: Why am I wearing a tutu?



The End.

Hopefully.



Ashfur: Brambleclaw...
I never intended to post my sequel to Twiarriors, but I have been talked into it:
:pointr::iconxxhitsugaya-luvrxx::pointl:

Yeah, about Poppywhisker and the black cat... ^^; My friends read the first and wanted to be in the second. Lol! :D

Tell the truth... The first one's better, isn't it?

Twiarriors- New Year: [link]

Twilight (c) Stephanie Meyer
Warriors (c) Erin Hunter
© 2008 - 2024 xBramblestarx
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SammichPup's avatar
Duuuuuddddddeee, wtf?! i nvr knew sticks could talk!!!!!! XD