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September 26, 2008
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-Warriors- for dummies</u>
A look at what the Warriors characters are REALLY like...

Part 1- Original Series

Firestar: I am Firestar. I am brave and noble. I love Spottedleaf but now I love Sandstorm and I had kits with her but I feel like I'm cheating on my beautiful dead medicine cat so now I make out with her in my dreams. And I miss Bluestar, my old mentor, because she was wise and I was attached to her and stuff. I went on a journey to save SkyClan and Sandstorm got mad when I said that Echosong was hot. I am overprotective and I feel the need to prove myself to my Clanmates. I also have a knack for stating the obvious.

Sandstorm: I love Firestar, but I know he's cheating on me with a dead medicine cat who's seasons older than him and flirts with every tom she meets and it's all I worry about, besides my kits and their destinies. I want them to grow up happy and I want to be a loyal warrior but I want Firestar to love me and I want to be a good grandma and I also want to be a mentor again or I'll throw a tantrum and ignore Firestar for moons.

Cinderpelt: I never wanted to be a medicine cat, but that stupid car ran over my leg and now I'm a cripple and I have to spend all my time helping Yellowfang cure sick cats. To the Dark Forest with them! Just die and get over it! I'll never be a mother and I'll never be a warrior and I'll never be a mentor and I'll never be wise and I think I'll go cry in a dark corner and feel self-pity now.

Yellowfang: Oh no I killed my own kit! StarClan is punishing me, I am going to die and they won't accept me! What can I do? I know; I'll go jump in a fire to save a burning cat. Yeah, that will work! And then they'll accept me for sure! Yay, let's go start a fire!!!

Spottedleaf: I love my precious Firestar and I have to help him, no matter what the cost! I'll appear in his dreams and tell him what to do, all the while acting alluring so that he'll dump that stupid Sandstorm and pick ME!!! Then we can be together in StarClan and I'll have Starkits and we'll be together always and I'll give up being a medicine cat. Why was I a medicine cat anyway? It's the lamest job in the world!

Whitestorm: I am very wise. I am so wise that I should stand by Bluestar in her time of need. I am so wise that I should act like I know everything and boss Firestar around subtly. I am so wise that I shall have kits with Willowcloud in a sexier manner than ever done before. I am so wise that- *is killed by Bone*

Redtail: I'm dead. Tigerstar killed me.

Darkstripe: I am EVIL!!! I am Tigerstar's right-paw cat! I am willing to do anything to get what I want! I am ruthless! *bows down to Tigerstar* I shall do as you wish, master, and when you die I shall kill every cat in my line of sight. Because I am EVIL!!!

Longtail: I hate Firestar because he's a stupid kittypet and he shouldn't be our leader, so I'll go join Tigerstar. Oh no, Tigerstar is being evil! I shall have to earn Firestar's trust again! And now I am blind! I will never see again! Help me, Mousefur, I am helpless!

Dustelt: I love Ferncloud and I am going to have sex with her the day she becomes a warrior so my legacy will live on. Maybe while she’s still an apprentice, even! In fact, I think I will make her have a new litter every time an old litter grows up! Oh, I am devious... *evil smile*

Ravenpaw: Ohmygosh, Tigerstar scares me! Hide me, Barley! I am going to grow up emotionally scarred unless you do something!

Graystripe: I love Silverstream and we are going to have kits NO MATTER WHAT THE COST because she's so hot that I just have to have kits with her and then I am going to go over to RiverClan and be a good father and then I am going to come back because my real home will always be ThunderClan and then I am going to be noble and get captured by Twolegs and then I am going to mate with my new friend Millie and then I will have lived my life to the fullest. And then I will die. :3

Brokenstar: I am evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. And I will make ShadowClan the strongest of all the Clans! Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil!

Barley: Am I the only one who thinks Ravenpaw is hot?

Scourge: I was emotionally scarred by that big bully Tigerstar when I was a kit and now I am BIG and MEAN and TOUGH and nobody will ever stand in my way!!! I will kill Tigerstar and all those creepy forest cats who denied me my right to power! I will become GREATER and MORE POWERFUL than any cat ever before me! Okay, Bone, go carry out my evil plan.

Bone: I like clawing things. Killing is fun. Scourge is fun to be around!!

Princess: I love Firestar! I love Firestar SO MUCH that I am going to give him my baby! And then I am going to be happy and go have MORE BABIES so I can give them all to Firestar! And then they can grow up in the forest and be happy and- Oh no! Firestar’s fur is WRINKLED!!! That means that the forest is too tough for him to live in! Oh dear, my poor babies!

Cloudtail: StarClan is for wusses. When I die, I’m going to be the moon! And Brightheart is going to be my sexy star companion and we’ll be together forever. Pssh, StarClan isn’t good enough for me.

Brightheart: PACK, PACK! KILL, KILL!

Swiftpaw: I’m going to go beat up some dogs! Come with me, all you stupid apprentices, so you can be scarred for life! And then I’ll get to die, and be a starry cat! Starry, starry, starry cat! Brightheart, go fight that dog over there and get half your face ripped off, will you?

Bluestar: I miss my kits! How could I have given them up to live in RiverClan just so that I could be leader? I am so terrible! I hope they forgive me! I'll go beg forgiveness after StarClan destroys my Clan because they're all traitors and spies and Tigerstar is going to murder them all. Then maybe I'll go live in RiverClan and catch fish and have more kits with Oakheart! Or is he dead? Oh well, the voices will find me a new mate. And then I'll be able to live on and island and have sleek, glossy fur and all the toms will want to mate with me and I will be a respected leader...

Oakheart: I wanna own Sunningrocks! All you ThunderClan cats, surrender now! Sunningrocks is RiverClan’s true territory! We will rip you limb from li- *is hit by boulders*

Stonefur: I can’t believe Momma never told us she wasn’t our Momma!!! Does that mean Mistyfoot isn’t my sister? Does that mean Stormpaw isn’t my apprentice??? Oh GAWD, all I know is a LIE!!!!!

Tigerstar: Fear me. I am evil. Rawr. >3
One of the things I've been working on in my spare time. :D What do you think?

It's Part One, The Original Series, of the Warriors for Dummies series. I think I got all the major characters, and some I've saved for future parts. Hope you like!

Part Two

Warriors (c) Erin Hunter
Add a Comment:
WarriorsoStarclan Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014  Student
LOL i love the tigerstar 1 its so true
PracticallyUseless Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I LOVE this! Hahahahahaha! I loved Whitestorm's wise-ness!
penguinpony Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
EchoRoll Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011
I like Bones!!!!!! It's sound like me when I drift off! =D except I more random....... I like Pineapples.......
Fallliingmoon Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Better than the actual series. :lmao: Well Maybe except the last one since a bunch of cats die and a bunch of cats become strong and all that crap. lol Cloudtail's is my favorite is would probably say that.
BreyerKat Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
LOL this is funny!! xD
sasukefairy Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2011
ah calm down haters and jst go read ur not whiney things if u love it so much.
i love this, it just makes me cry from laughter XD
love how it all has just a teeny bit of truth put i na funny mean saracastic way XD
glomdi Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2010
You really need to use commas 0.o And no offense, but this writing is really bad. There is a way to make fun of things that you like and its funny without being mean, and then there's just plain making fun of it. You're making all the cats seem like whining mouse brains.
Nightfang464 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2011

lol love the siggy!
glomdi Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2011
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